Every night i try to end my day by simply talking to my fiancé. Here’s a glimpse of how our conversation went last night...
Last night as me and the MelanatedMama are winding down from a busy day, we ended up in random talks while watching other parent bloggers/vloggers on YouTube. As we watched and made comparisons a conversation ensued that brought both self discovery as well as an appreciation for our openness.
We started talking about parenting styles and how we envision our children at different ages. Some where along the conversation I mentioned how I would pull a bad boys move ( ya know when Will and Martin greeted the boy on Will’s daughter first date) when any of our melanated heirs go on their first dates. She followed to scold me for wanting to resort to using intimidation to address males who wanted to date our daughter. I had to reflect on being that way ( as if she forgot i was an army soldier who is trained and ready). She then proceed to help me unpack that thinking... we were in search of a balance cause i feel strongly about setting boundaries and expectations.
We had the talk about planting and nurturing ( trusting ) our children so that they wouldn’t have me do that . I then followed up with the obvious answer, “ I ain’t worried about mine, that talk is to prevent a death from occurring, You don’t know my standard so imma give it o you” While she understood, we still had more talking to do. We needed to discuss how to handle individuals who come into our children’s lives without being raised in an intentionally fruitful environment. As the conversation ebbed and flowed i caught a glimpse of her giving me that flirty look a man drops some knowledge.
Naturally the conversation transitioned to the importance of fathers and mothers in the home and them not knowing how to make fruitful children due to the lack of fruit they were planted with. Unpacking trauma from what we have seen ( absentee two parent situations, lack of nurturing etc) and started dealing with the loss of parents and the void that leaves. There’s a balance in our home that works because we have similar views of parenting... the caveat is how they manifest. This is why we talk and evaluate situations often together so that we are aligned and on the same page.
Often times our naked talks begin with a reflection of the day and our progression of our collective and personal goals. We both are busy professionals and when we don’t center our naked conversations we are off, usually causing conflicts.
As a couple we define naked conversations as the safe space to bring forth topics that are often difficult, with no judgement and end goal of innovative collaborative problem solving.
A healthy relationships relies heavily on the ability to be naked with one another. As i prepare myself to become a husband more and more this space in my relationship takes precedent.
Here are a few steps to create a safe Space for Naked conversations within your relationships:
1. Be Reflective- You have to be ready to be called out without taking it personally. Perspective is important and being able to understand that of your partners is the first step to understand how your words actions etc impact them. Assume the best.
2. Create the space- dedicate time to sit with undivided attention to talk. We do it nightly, however what works best for you will work best for you! Honor the space.
3. Do the work - There will be things that take you out of your comfort zone. Your partner will ask or request things that possibly go against the norm. It may suck but healthy relationships require sacrifice and work.
Now these aren’t all nor the only steps but it is a start to creating that space. Please share follow and be on the lookout for the next melanated daddy post.
Love you all,