Poppa Melanin Moment

I’m sitting at work this afternoon thinking on a conversation me and the Mrs had the other day. She was laying next to me cuddled up and told me “ At times I feel like I’m not worthy of you and this loving”. To hear that really through me for a leap since she is single handedly the best woman i have ever had the pleasure of calling my own. So after hearing this i went straight into prayer to understand how that could be a thing. The answer came to me later as i was talking to an old h.s football team mate turned M.I.T ( Minister in training). He came into my place of employment and as we each are doing our jobs the spirit crept in and a very good conversation ensued. 
Now let me premise this with some historical information to help you better understand the significance of this conversation.

1. We were both undercover Christians in high school. I was a choir boy, an usher, in the local youth group, and a jr. deacon for my church, but at Madison H.S I was a jock and a pretend lady killer ( Don’t judge).
2. We hadn’t talked in-depth since graduating in 2006 from High School

So we start with relationship updates on what we are doing and the differences from then to now. So of course I’m speaking on my Melenated Queen and who she is and has been to me. He follows to give me the i hear the spirit face ( Me having preached a time or two understand that face lol) He then asked a very basic and powerful question. “ Have you two forgiven those who hurt you prior to meeting each other” Whenever a real question is asked i ponder first then answer. I spoke honestly with a resounding “NO” and explained the way i am i cut you off and keep it pushing your loss. He then let me know that without given those people forgiveness i was carrying those pains hurts and insecurities with me to every relationship. I sat back and pondered it and it makes perfect sense.
As a man we are raised to be strong, not show any emotion etc, but to allow yourself to feel and be human and give your emotions a voice is necessary. My Queen doesn’t feel worthy because of the simple fact that people prior to me caused that emotional response to be the norm. I reaffirm her daily so that she knows she is, but that doesn’t erase the pain, heartbreak, objectifying, womanizing behavior she saw prior to me. 
Men there are very simple things we owe our queens, especially coming into a situation where Men before us have caused some pain. 

1. BE empathetic. Let her know her feelings of distrust, fear, anxiety etc are warranted. She has been told about and seen men move in the wrong way prior to you so allow her to live her truth, but SHOW the difference.
2. BE intentional . Time shows all. Be true but more then that be strategic for both words that are spoken and actions that are shown. The last thing you want to be is the exact thing she has seen prior to it.
3. Be patient . You didn’t see me say a boss did you... be a leader. A leader knows his people and tends to their needs fearlessly and directly. Simply show her a leader and she will no longer fight you on decisions. she will trust you and allow you to do what you feel is best, but you MUST be open for that dialogue to ensure you are caring for her and those attached to her to her liking. Defensiveness isn’t going to work, allow constructive criticism.

Brothers,All in all I know we want a woman to care for our emotional state as well as the physical and spiritual, but if you don’t do the same for her you’ll never truly unlock the Queen she was and is before her crown got rattled. Give her a safe haven for all that is her and the family and watch her give you more then you thought could be given.

As Always Signing Out
POPPA Melanin